What Toddlers Don't tell you (Naija Toddler) - Part Two

First of all. let me put it out there You can call me Naija Pikin, razz or not razz. Let me tell you my story the naija way. I am titling this "Life as a naija baby".

• Pet Peeves: CBeebies. Yep, you heard me. Why all the oyinbo? When my parents speak typical naija language  to themselves at home. hian. One of the major entertainment channels we have is Cbeebies. Isn't there any indigenous TV channel where we can switch to?Can't we have Yoruba cartoons, Igbo kids rhymes, Hausa poems or Edo animations? All this oyinbo is too much. When we go for summer we will adjust and speak foneh. Till then, give us naija classy children entertainment joor.

• Dreams...dreams...dreams: Please stop asking us when we wake if we dreamt of Jesus and angels. No, we didnt. Not all of us dream like that. In fact, how can we? when some of  you chase us to bed with "Ojuju is coming". Sometimes, we dream of what we are going to be in future, our spouses, how we'll purchase our first car(s), mortgage, landed properties, landing strips. All this in candy land. Hehehe. We too have plans o. 

• Too much kissing: Please, seriously stop the over kissing, every one wants to kiss our cheeks every time. We know we look yummy and all but please tone it down. Not every day is a good breath day, if you know what I mean.

• Potty training: okay, my mum got me this cool singing potty that rewards you  with music after the doodle. For some reason, the potty sings immediately I sit on it; and I get up to dance as soon as it starts, eventually I forget to potty. who to blame? The potty, of course. It should just keep quiet and let me work. ahn ahn.

• Comportment in Public: We behave our selves when we get within the school compound. Nobody wants to be looked upon as the kid who the teacher scolds every time. “Sit” means “sit” and “stand” means “stand”. Not forgetting, “No” means “No” unlike home where “No”, “Don’t go there”, “Stop” means the exact opposite.

• We are smart cookies: Don’t think we are completely unaware of our surroundings. We soak up information like sponges. These days, Einstein’s got nothing on us.

• Secret of potty training: Oops sorry no secret. Mum says to START as EARLY as possible. Don’t like potty training, but to be stared at in my kindergarten class as the kid who soils em diapers? Nah, hard as it may seem, potty training it is!

• Show offs: Forget what they told you about toddlers not caring about their appearance. Well, Not me. I can’t show up in school, church or parties looking drab. It has be posh and well put together. I have to look good in the class; this reminds me when a girl in my class dissed me because I tried to check out her shoe. A good ‘pat’ on the back reminded her who’s boss. I was just trying to be nice nah.

She forgets that this is how is roll.

• What’s your selling point?: Toddlers are like business executives, lots of people come in and out our lives that it makes it not too easy to remember everyone, so instead of asking “Do you remember me?”, “Awww, you don’t know me again?” Register yourselves with your own signature cognitive sounds. It could be anything as long as it is funny when you do it. Maybe the way you say hello or goodbye; or you can easily be the candy and cookie bringer, but that’s harder ‘cos mum might not easily approve. But I always approve. Your ‘sales pitch’ should be top notch.

So, what’s your selling point?